Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Bullet points mean:



  •          I’m short on time.
  •          I lack creativity for a more elaborate post.
  •          And this is the most logical process to get my thoughts out and posted in an efficient way.
  •          I’ve never made a blog post like this, so it’s also an opportunity to be creative and distinct.

  •          This summer has been very crazy.

  •          Sometime last year it was suggested that I go to school (college) in Portland. I really like Portland as a place. The city is grungy and creative, much like Seattle, but it has a slight difference to it. An organic and hippy tendency which I, as a prospective bohemian, appreciate. Not to mention, I have some friends down there who are some of the most gracious and laid-back people on the surface of the earth and I love them. It kind of made sense that I go to college there.

  •          I started researching colleges and universities in Portland, hoping to find one that will accept the CLEP credits I’ve accumulated over the past couple years.
     
  •          I found one.

  •          Portland State University will accept everything I’ve earned so far and apply it to the degree I’ll be studying for through their curriculum.

  •          Portland is four hours south-ish from where I currently live, which means attending college there will force me to move to a new place of residency. Which is… well, it’s exciting.

  •          For me to apply at PSU I have to send them SAT scores. Unfortunately I never took the SAT after high school, and when I found out I needed to send the university scores from an SAT, the deadline had already come and gone. So I’ll be taking my test on the 3rd of October. Which is fine and dandy I suppose. But I’m scrambling to get my numbers up to a grade which I’ll be proud to present the school with. So… I’ve been studying. A lot. And I hate math so much, but I’m just fighting through it because I’m going to score well on that test or be damned.

  •          My plan and hope is to be moved and settled by the end of September. This means I will be living and working in or near Portland by September 30th. Which means I have a grand total of four and a half weeks to get a job, find an apartment, and move my earthly belongings to my new place of residency.

  •          The time crunch is definitely sinking in and stressing me out.

  •          If all goes as planned, I’ll have four months to explore Portland and the surrounding area, save money, and get my school schedule figured out. I’ll apply and start school in January while working part time. It’s going to be a rough haul, but I can do it. If I dedicate myself to my work and my studies I’ll make it out on top in the end.

  •          I already begin to miss my friends and family. I’ve started saying my goodbyes and… it’s been hard. Obviously I’ll visit during holidays and whenever I can get away from work, but there will be long stints during which I will be a little isolated from all the people I’ve grown up with. That thought undoubtedly depresses me and I hate thinking about it, but it’s a present reminder that moving forward has two edges to it.

  •          I have big plans. Life is exciting and new possibilities are exactly what I need. I’m looking forward to what the future holds.

Other things that happened this summer:

  •          I lost twenty pounds through an intentional shift in my lifestyle and now look hot.
  •          I quit my job at Ace. This is my last week there.
  •          I’ve been reading a lot of books. From Theological Apologetics to Kurt Vonnegut’s zany novels. I’ve read a pretty wide variety and feel I’ve spent my time well, scheduling out my days to make the most of what time I have. My reading list is as follows:
Welcome to the Monkey House – Kurt Vonnegut
Slaughterhouse Five – Kurt Vonnegut
Breakfast of Champions – Kurt Vonnegut
Cat’s Cradle – Kurt Vonnegut
Orthodoxy – G.K. Chesterton
Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
The Stranger – Albert Camus
And possibly others that I forgot… As you can see, I really like Vonnegut’s writing. He was a genius.
  •          And last, but not least, I have begun to write poetry. It’s nothing to shake a stick at, but I have a few poems I like. Nothing I’d be bold enough to share on my blog though. One day, maybe, one day.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I'm getting old...



Crandon stared out the window of the car. He watched as the trees sped past and houses and farms disappeared behind them

“You have fun tonight, son?” his father asked, nudging him playfully.

“Uh-huh,” Crandon said, nodding and smiling. “Thanks for taking us.”

“Of course,” Crandon’s father replied. He glanced into the review mirror and smiled when his eyes met those of the small boy in the back seat. “What about you, Marc? You have fun too?”

The boy in the back was a couple years younger than Crandon. He beamed up at the two in the front seats and Crandon shook his head before turning back to the window. His younger brother could be so annoying sometimes. It wasn’t necessarily anything he did, either. He just was. 

The boy’s father reached up and turned the volume knob on the car’s stereo, bringing the music up to a middling volume. Crandon smiled. His dad had always liked music. As long as he could remember his dad had loved music. Crandon preferred when his father played music on their car rides instead of listening to talk radio. The politics always confused and bored Crandon anyway. 

“Did you have fun, Dad?” Marc asked from the back seat.

His father turned the radio down and glanced in the rearview mirror again. “What’s that?” he asked.

“Did you have fun, tonight?” Marc repeated, he used his hands to flatten the wrinkles in his pant legs.

The boys’ father chuckled. “Yeah, I had fun too,” he said. “It’s interesting, I—”

He was interrupted as they approached a four-way junction. It was only a two way stop, and they were driving in the direction that had the right of way. But as they entered the intersection, a large grey truck blundered right past the blatant stop sign and charged through the junction, right for the car Crandon and his brother and father were driving in.

“Hold on, guys,” their father told them in a concerned voice.

All of a sudden the truck collided with the car. It happened so fast, Crandon had no idea what happened and how. It unfolded in an instant. The dashboard seemed to encase his father, the hood crumpled and bent in odd angles, and the stereo wailed out sounding unnatural and ghostly. The windows shattered, spilling glass bits everywhere. A scream erupted from the back seat and Crandon wheeled around in his chair to find his younger brother wailing. Blood trickled from his chin and when he parted his lips, it escaped from the corners of his mouth. He’d bit his tongue and it was bleeding. The sight was horrifying to Crandon, but he was too much lost to shock to say or do anything. His body shook and shivered as if he was freezing.

“You bit your tongue, son. It’s okay. Anything else hurt?” the boys’ father asked. His own body was shaking and his breathing was irregular.

Marc shook his head but continued to cry miserably.

“What about you, son? You alright?”

Crandon just shook his head. “I’m okay,” he said, still shivering. His teeth were chattering now and the pit of his stomach ached. It was as if he’d blinked, and upon reopening his eyes, he found his world flipped upside down.

A man walked up to their car and peered in through the window. His expression was void, like he wasn’t entirely there. “Hey, man, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, alright,” he said. To Crandon it looked like he was speaking to the tires, or the roof, or the hood. He didn’t look at any one of them longer than a brief glance. Then he turned and stumbled away.

Crandon’s father turned to him and laughed. He just laughed, like he’d just heard a funny joke. “He’s drunk. Did you see that? He’s completely drunk. I’m sorry too, buddy. What a drunken idiot.”

Crandon closed his eyes and felt the tears still slip between his eye lids and slide down his cheeks. He was scared and had no idea what would happen to him or his father and brother.

“It’s going to be okay, boys,” Crandon and Marc’s father reassured them, his own teeth chattering as he shook with shock.

In the distance they could hear sirens. And almost in an instant the area was filled with people to help the wreck victims. Crandon’s door was opened and he was lifted out and laid on a hard-backed stretcher. Then they opened the door for his brother and lifted him out as well. 

“We’re gonna put your brother with your dad, is that okay?” someone asked Crandon. He just nodded. It would be better if little brother stayed with dad. Crandon could be brave. He wanted to be brave. But as they lifted him up and loaded him in to the ambulance, the tears continued to flow from his eyes and dampen his face and he didn’t feel so brave. He shivered and someone laid another blanket on him.

The ride to the hospital was quick, and the people in the ambulance asked Crandon only a few questions. When they arrived, they carted him out and rushed him to his own hospital room. He was told his brother would be with him soon and asked if he wanted another blanket or two, which he did.
Eventually Marc was wheeled in to share his room and eventually visitors, including his mother, came to check on him. “How’s dad, mom? Is he okay?” Crandon asked.

“He’s just down the hall, Crandon. He’s in a lot of pain, but the doctors say he’ll be alright,” she said, taking his small hand in her own. “He hurt his shoulder pretty bad.” She rose and stepped towards the door. “I’m going to wait in his room. You two should try to get some sleep.”

She flicked off the lights and went out, leaving the boys to try to sleep. Crandon reached out blindly and found Marc’s hand on his bed. He closed his own hand around the smaller boy’s fingers and squeezed. Then he shut his eyes and tried to surrender himself to sleep.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hopefully my tie in doesn’t make this all sound like a public service announcement, but here ‘goes. I’m that little boy. I’m Crandon. Except for where my name is Caleb and I’m a lot older. That car wreck happened over ten years ago, and I still think about it on a constant basis. It isn’t because of what happened, so much as because of what could have happened. Obviously God’s will wasn’t that any of us would die that day. But the paramedics and firemen all agreed that had the truck hit us from the side, not much further from where it had hit us, both my brother and my father would have been killed. The wreck might have left me to grow up without two of my closest friends. And without them, I think it’d be perfectly safe to say I’d be a very different person. 

I turned twenty-one a couple months ago, and here in the US that’s kind of a big deal because that’s when it’s legal for someone to go out and get smashing drunk. It isn’t legal to get in a car and drive in that state, but it didn’t stop that guy in the truck who hit my dad and brother and me on our way home from church one night. I had to work on my birthday, and every time someone asked me if I was going to party it up, alluding to me getting drunk, I just wanted to punch their face in.

It wasn’t their fault, they didn’t understand. But because of that childhood experience I have a very personal aversion to drunkenness, and it would aggravate me when they would suggest that I would have any part in such a stupor.

I’ve been twenty-one since February, and in that short stint of time I’ve had enough liquor to know I really like it. I’m not so stodgy so as not to joke about drunkenness in the moment. But when it comes down to reality and I’m expected to be serious, no, I don’t do drunk. I just don’t have any interest in becoming a raging idiot and losing what little control I do have of myself.
Yes, I do very much enjoy a bit of Johnnie Walker: Black Label on the rocks.

No I do not drink it with the intention to get slobbering drunk.

It’s a balance. Like in everything, moderation should be key.

I guess I can count myself lucky. Lucky that I had such an experience to give me the mindset I have on the matter. And common sense to interpret the experience in the way that I do, so that I choose to live in moderation instead of lacking control. Others aren’t so lucky. And that’s why I’m here I guess. I share my experience, to write about it and dramatize it so that others realize the seriousness and need of self-restraint.

Lives are at stake. 

Make the right choice.

Drink Responsibly.

… Okay, now I just sound like a public service announcement.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Of candy and flowers and heart-shapes


Listen, it’s not that I don’t like the idea of Valentine’s Day. I love the idea of a day where couples can simply enjoy one another and bask in their love for each other, I really do. But that isn’t what Valentine’s Day is about anymore. Like all holidays, corporations take a hold of it by the hair and steer it in whatever direction they choose. And what direction is that, you ask?

Corporations are run by money. People who think they run corporations are deluded. They don’t run corporations, they are run by money as well. The corporation cannot survive without three square meals a day. Those meals are money, money, and money.

But how does a harmless corporation go about getting this money to appease its raucous appetite? Through trickery? Through shrewd bargaining? I believe they do it through strong-arming people against their will, and this is why: people are concerned with their image. A person’s image is everything. It’s what other people see, and it matters to the image’s owner. So how does a person’s image correlate with Valentine’s Day? I’m getting there.

Modern day men are expected to buy their significant other some sort of gift to present to her on Valentine’s Day. This is necessary because men are complete buffoons and putting up with us is unbearable. To appease our girlfriends, wives, fiancés, or whatever, we are expected to buy them some frilly gift, which for a paltry fifty dollars, can be acquired via corporations. Candy? Flowers? Love notes written for those of a non-artistic breed?  All of these are resources which corporations are more than willing to provide us with, so long as we have the money to pay for these things.

Overly dramatic? Possibly. I embellish. I do do that sometimes. But there’s more truth to what I preach than you might think. Hear me out, because this is the part where I get all hot under the collar. These corporations need our money to thrive, so they imbed it in society that if a man does NOT buy a gift from these corporations, he is a lowlife scumbag who isn’t worth the time of day. He is the stupidest of idiots, and the slobiest of slobs. He isn’t worthy of the woman he claims to love.

And all because he merely didn’t fuel a corporation’s greed.

He didn’t say he didn’t love that woman. He didn’t claim his feelings were not the same as his words. But his actions said enough. He didn’t buy cheap (Read: stupid expensive) chocolate or a dozen roses or a sappy card of pink, white, or red… so he doesn’t really LOVE anyone. That selfish fish-head! What a complete, utter, waste of humanity. Thankfully he’ll live out his days in single… ness… and not break anyone’s frail, little heart.

A cheesy holiday, which isn’t even important enough to close stores or keep people home from work, has become a cash COW for corporations willing to milk it until it goes dry. And who suffers from that corporate greed? Merely the guys who are heels for not bending to the whims of said corporations.

What is the point of Valentine’s Day? To show the one you love, how you feel. Sure, it’s corny, and mushy, and lovey-dovey, but it’s cute and sweet. It’s a heart-filled bit of fun and merely meant to bring people closer, especially in a society where our lives never slow and we’re going so many places at once.

But the point, has been missed. The reason has been altered and twisted like only money-hungry corporations can twist things.

So… what’s the point to all this?

Valentine’s Day might have a special meaning to some couples, and I don’t want to be insensitive to that. But, if you want to show someone you care about them, show them they’re worth more than fifty dollars and corporation supplied junk you pick up on your way home from work. Take some time to make something personal, or if you don’t believe yourself creative; buy a gift which has more meaning than chocolate and flowers. Something that has a special meaning to both of you.

But most of all… don’t use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to show your special someone you love them. If Valentine’s Day is the only day you show your significant other how you feel, then maybe you deserve the contempt you might receive by not catering to the corporate greed feeding off the holiday.

If you’re going to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t do so because of obligation. Do it because you actually care and you want to show that in a physical way. There’s nothing worse than caving in to corporate greed, and allowing the corporate fat-cats to cash in on your supposed love.

I guess that’s my main beef with the holiday. Sure, I know corporations are going to use whatever means they can to procure the money they need to survive… but is it entirely necessary for them to use people’s love of all things? Seriously!? It sickens me.

So. With Valentine’s Day approaching. You might be planning to buy that certain someone a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a heart-shaped card and a bouquet of red roses, but I would encourage you to dare to do something unexpected, and veer from mainstream society by doing something more creative and specific.

Use Valentine’s Day to supplement the rest of the wonderfully sweet and charming ways you show your girl how much you love her, instead of making it the only day you do that kind of stuff. It should really just be ANOTHER opportunity to display your feelings, instead of the ONE opportunity. You have a whopping 365 days. Don’t make Valentine’s the only one.

No. I am not a cantankerous single man, bitter at a holiday aimed at something I’m not included in. I’m a cantankerous single man who’s bitter at society and how willingly it feeds corporate greed. I refuse to buy a girl flowers because someone else thinks I should. The only reason I’d ever buy her flowers, is so she knows how much she means to me.

(Unrelated… but not entirely: flowers wilt and die in a very short time. Chocolate is eaten quickly. Cards lose their meaning after a while. And yet, these are the ways we choose to show our love?)

Disclaimer: I don’t hate chocolate, flowers, or mass-produced greeting cards. And there is an element of care that goes into giving such gifts. But they are no substitute for true affection. In the end, it's the thought that counts, right?