Thursday, November 17, 2016

Woes of distance


It's me again.

I'll be honest, I just don't think I'm a very good blogger. A blogger is fearless. A blogger just slaps out the day's events like it's an adventure after an adventure, and it really isn't, but they act like it is.

I have trouble writing about my every day scenarios. They're not interesting, they're repetitive, and they don't write themselves. And if I'm going to write about something, it needs to excite me.

And yet, here I am. I have nothing especially exciting to write about, but I felt compelled to post something on this derelict web log. A writer ought to write when he's compelled.

For those of you wondering about me personally: I'm doing alright. I'm working full time for the first time in my life. It's a desk job, which isn't really the kind of job that stuffs your life full to brimming with adventures... But I have a good team of people. We all work well together and have a good time.

Portland's weather has been rainier of late. Meaning walks are soggy things. Evenings are better spent inside, with a mug of hot stuff and a book or something.

But while everything seems okay, I miss my friends and my family and my girlfriend. It's not like I'm alone. I have my roommates and my friends down here in Portland. But every time I drive north to visit everyone I get pulled in a million different ways. I want to spend time with Natalie and I want to see my family and I want to see my ol' buddies. I end up trying to do it all and I spread myself thin and don't get nearly enough time with any of them. I feel like my younger siblings are going to grow up and I won't even make so much as a shallow impression in their lives. I feel like I'm going to lose the friends that meant so much to me for so long. And I feel, worst of all, like I'm taking my girlfriend for granted. I want them all to know how much I love them, that's why I try to fit them all in. And instead... they all just feel neglected. Like they're not as important as the next person.

I know I can't make everyone happy. But... these are the people I care the most about. They're the only people I really want to make happy.

Life is tricky. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's felt this way. I can't be the only guy who's experienced this. I've always been scared of letting people down. But lately it feels like I'm letting everyone down.

Christmas is coming. And when the Christmas season happens I always get so excited. It's my favorite time of the year. But this December is going to be crazy. Every weekend is spoken for already. Every weekend is claimed by someone or something. I really hope my favorite time of the year isn't ruined by my trying to fit everyone and everything in.

I guess I just hope everyone is patient with me. It takes a lot of energy to drive back and forth and hither and thither and... all of it. I love everyone. And I'm definitely trying my best. I'll see you guys soon.

... Alright. Crazy, mixed up post. What a way to get back into blogging.

Come to think of it, my Thanksgiving is going to be a saga worth chronicling. So stay tuned for that adventure.


  1. Miss you Caleb. I'll be praying that the Lord would remove the stress and that everyone would be understanding.

  2. Can I just say that I am so thankful that we have been able to see you as much as e have. When you drove down the driveway in the moving van, my heart dropped through the floor as only a mother's heart can. I only hoped that we would see you at the holiday times, and I am so so grateful that it has been much more often.
    Remember this - family, friends, and girlfriend all have this in common... we love you so much - it's why we all want to be stingy with you. :-)


  3. You're not the only one who feels this way.
    I work 2 jobs and only have 1 day off a work to run errands, get groceries, do laundry ext ext and it makes it frustrating because one half of me just wants to stay home while the other half wants to see my friends and family. Also, long distance is hard but those few hours with your beloved change everything and truly do you give you that added strength to push on. Especially if you have an end goal of ending up under the same roof one day, then you get to make the fun jokes of "now you miss me, but soon you'll get sick of me". I always like to throw some humor into the difficult to bring out a smile and find the positive in the negative.

    Love you